Hello sadness, my old friend…

No, the song doesn’t quite start that way but… my song starts that way tonight. 

Every month, for just a few days, I become this mess. I’m so sensitive, needy and clingy, even more so than usual. Master never complains, He is so good with me and reassures me that I am fine and that it is ok to need Him and feel the way that i do but it doesn’t feel good. 

You see, Master is having some personal things happening as well and try as I may to be stronger and bear a little more than I normally would I feel like I am not doing a good job with it. 

I try to remain busy, focus on things and events at the Dark Side or even cleaning and organizing but i start to feel the ache again. 

I want to be held. I want Him to hold me and I want to feel His warm breath on my face reassuring me that everything will be fine, just the way I hear Him in my mind as I lay here in my bed trying to go to sleep. 

This is something hormonal that I go through and it is mixed with things that are going on in our lives and I’m just… needing Him. 

The distance requires much more from Him than it would if we were in the same space. 

If we were in the same space I could curl up beside Him, lay my head on His chest and softly stroke His tummy as I smile and look up at Him, “I’m home”. 

This is the place where I have longed to be for so long and it is so close, yet so far and my heart aches for… home. 

Stop crying ami. He loves you. Your place is at His feet. Wipe your tears and get in the shower. Let the hot water stream down on you and lose yourself in the moment your collar is locked on your neck and the Man that you love  pulls you so close that you breathe Him. 

Lose yourself in love, in passion, in all that He feels for you and needs from you. Don’t give in to this sadness. He is there. Touch your neck and feel His collar secured there. 

Let His lips gently kiss the tears away and let go. You love Him, he needs you. You need Him, He loves you. Lose yourself in that and nothing else. 

– His

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